Fashion Friday!!!

MORE. VELVET. 

This week we keep the Holiday Party Outfit train going with — you guessed it — more velvet shit from Target. I grabbed this emerald crop top and paired it with a gold headband, bright red lips, and *pearl earrings*, because if there's ever a time to pretend you're a rich white woman, it's the holidays. Just ask Joanne the Scammer. 

IMG_8940.JPG


Shirt: Target | Pants: Urban Outfitters | Headband: Target | Lipstick: MAC

Work That Heals

I’ve been mulling over the idea that our work, whatever it is that each of us specifically has felt called to, will be the thing that heals us. 

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about being "High Maintenance", and shared a story that, when it happened, made me feel low, small, shamed. But as I brought it back up to write about it, I noticed a shift. In sharing it, I was also able to reclaim it. I could explore the parts that hurt and bring salve to them. I could reprocess the memory and store it in a way that no longer caused injury — and that was largely possible because I was able to write it out and work it through here, through the process of writing.

I’ve not just noticed it in myself, but in the people around me as well. My friend Kara has invested in gardening and developed a lovely flower business (#SomethingWildFloral #shamelessfriendplug) and she is constantly learning life truths from the little and less little plants she cares for. My friend Nathalie understands food and complementing flavors, and as she works to bring people together around a table, she also learns about herself and how things come together in larger forms. This is what work is supposed to be, and this is what, in my mind, defines success. Is your work healing? Does it bless you and other people? Well then that’s it, that’s all there is to do. 

Find work that heals you and let it be a positive feedback cycle so that as you put beauty into the world, you also receive it.

Monday Inspiration

Coming at you with mere hours to spare because I just got back from a lovely weekend celebrating a housewarming with friends in Sacramento. While I was up there, I found myself marveling at the fact that while I don't think it's true that time heals all wounds, it is remarkable the amount of healing that can come in time. Most of the friends I spent time with this weekend I've known for close to or over ten years. A lot can happen in that time — broken hearts, broken friendships, shifting landscapes as jobs or love move us away from each other to new places. But as I reconnected with them it was heartening to see that through all that there can still be an abiding familiarity. And even a connection you thought was dead can show budding signs of life and healing. It gives me hope for resolution that though may still remain outside my current scope, sits on the horizon.

Fashion Fridayyyyyyy!!

Alright you guys I'm kind of obsessedddd with this outfit. First of all, I need to tell you Target's got like mad velvet going on right now — there are velvet shirts, velvet dresses, velvet skirts, velvet jumpers, ALL THE VELVET YOU COULD EVER WANT! Go getchu some girl. I spotted this dress (and a crop top I'll show off next week ;)) and HAD to go into debt to have it. I paired it with my other new favorites — sheer socks— and chunky heels from Madewell. Since the dress is so light and the socks/heels combo is so cute, I thought I'd ground everything with a dark burgundy lip and of course, throw in a chunky fake diamond necklace because what are the holidays without some sparkle? Check it out y'all!! 

IMG_8723.JPG
IMG_8725.JPG
IMG_8726.JPG
IMG_8727.JPG
IMG_8724.JPG

Dress: Target | Shoes: Madewell | Necklace: Forever 21 | Socks: Lulu's.com | Cardigan: Mom's Closet (not a place, my actual mother's closet) | Lipstick: Too Faced (Sephora)

Thursday Inspiration

Anybody else sometimes feel like they get overwhelmed for no reason? I mean there's always a reason but maybe you were being overstimulated without knowing it until all of a sudden you sit down, or park the car, or look away from the screen for a second and you're like "whoa I am EXHAUSTED." I had one such moment like that this afternoon and after using Brené Brown's technique to reset and figure out what you really need (it's called DIG-ging deep, I high recommend you look it up and employ it) I landed on a coloring book and classical music. Let me tell you, it has been a LOVELY late afternoon, look at my owl!

IMG_8622.JPG

Anyhoo, friendly reminder to all of us to check in, reset, and maybe take a couple hours to color. Namaste y'all.

Monday Inspiration

White men who commit acts of terror are terrorists.

Thoughts and prayers are bullshit and borderline tragically comical at this point.

Civilians don't need AR-15's.

Change. Gun. Laws.

Fashion Friday!!

You already know I had to devote a post to the Halloween costume, BUT I alsooooo wanted to let you guys know that (besides this week obvi) for the month of November I'm gonna be devoting Fashion Fridays to HOLIDAY PARTY OUTFIT IDEAS because it's that time of the year and who doesn't need inspiration on how to rework velvet and sequins? Right, so that'll be coming at you next week. In the meantimeeeee, UNICORN! 

IMG_8559.JPG
IMG_8560.JPG
IMG_8562.JPG
IMG_8563.JPG
IMG_8564.JPG

Photography by the lovely Steph

On Being "High-Maintenance"

A long time ago in a galaxy far away (college), a guy I was into at the time called me this in jest. "You're so high-maintenance, Femi". Though it was meant to be harmless, upon hearing his assessment both my stomach and heart went hurtling towards the floor. I appeared to take it in stride (at least I think I did?) but inside I cowered in shame. High-maintenance? It made me question myself, feel like I needed to shrink, to be less...me. But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure the term "high-maintenance" is some misogynistic bullshit and imma tell you why.

"High-maintenance" feels to me like what a guy says when a girl either enjoys putting effort into her physical appearance, refuses to settle for his baby bullshit, or both. And men have been taught to use this phrase as a sort of litmus test, as though if within the first few dates the “high-maintenance” box gets checked, you gotta throw her back dude. Not only that, RUN FOR THE HILLS because we all know “high-maintenance” is just a dog whistle away from “crazy”. I say Fuck That with every fiber of my being.

First of all, examine what you think being "high-maintenance" is — I can almost guarantee that your definition will unravel in real life. Listen, if we're talking about someone who is emotionally immature and/or unaware of their anxious attachment style (#psychology, look it up) then that's something different, and we should call it what it is. (Also, those traits are not relegated to women. Might I point out that nobody calls a man "high-maintenance" when he makes his partner do most of the emotional labor in the relationship. *see gif below*) 

But if you're saying a woman is high-maintenance because she wears "too much makeup", or won't spontaneously go swimming with you on a date after she spent maybe close to an hour perfecting the artwork that is her face, you're an ass. If she's high-maintenance because she asks you questions about your feelings and seeks to share her own with you, you're an ass. Did she call you frantically one night because you went out with your friends and never came home or let her know you were okay? That's called looking out for someone you care about, and if you think she's high-maintenance because of it, you're an ass.

Second of all check yourself: are you using this as some sort of ill-formed metric by which to measure the women you're dating? Let me tell you right now, that’s ridiculous. It's bullshit like this that developed the "chill girl" persona. You know the one: a girl who never wants to stir the pot, or bother her boyfriend with trivial things like her thoughts or personality because she’s trying to be as “low-maintenance” as possible. Listen, if you want to be in a relationship with an actual human being, it’s going to take a good amount of maintenance. It’s going to take taking the other person’s feelings seriously, making them feel safe to share, and being courageous enough to be vulnerable with your own. If you think some women are "high-maintenance" I'd challenge you to a) unpack what that really means to you b) ask yourself if you’re being an ass, and then c) stop it.

Monday Inspiration

There is a quote by Henry David Thoreau that says "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it." Which in my mind, when considered that way, elevates everything we do and experience to a level of sanctity. Even mundane things like showering or going to the grocery store are enhanced because you are spending your valuable life to take care of yourself. Because we are, and because we are alive, whatever it is we choose to spend our lives doing carries weight. I'm aiming to maintain that perspective shift this week and let it leave space for more gratitude and mindfulness; we'll see how it goes. Namaste y'all. 

HALLOWEEN FLASHBACK FASHION FRIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

It felt like the word "extravaganza" needed to be thrown in there, right? The title was already so long, why not keep the party going?

Anyway, HI EVERYONE GUESS WHAT IT’S HALLOWEEN WEEKEND MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! *balloons* *confetti* *air horns* And even though I’m not ready to show you guys my costume justtttt yetttttt, I did want to do something Halloween themed this week so I decided to put together a couple outfits inspired by costumes I’ve done in the past! FUN FUN FUN okay check them out:

IMG_8501.JPG
photo (4).jpeg

Nearly ten years ago (oh my god) my girls and I decided to drive to Santa Barbara on a whim for the infamous Isla Vista Halloween…. Shitshow. I mean that’s really what it was. And I was — can you guess it? — a Barrrrbie, a costume I 100% see reprising in the future.

 

IMG_8499.JPG
IMG_8500.JPG

This guy was obviously inspired by the incomparable Dionne Davenport (helloooo? From Clueless, duh!) Of course Dee would never be caught dead in flannel (Grunge? #AsIf) but remember these outfits are inspired by these characters, also I couldn’t find my plaid skirt so here we are.

I can't wait to show off my costume to you guys next week!! Keep a lookout on the 'gram also, cause odds are it's gonna end up there before then oops! Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, amirite? Okay well everyone have a safe and fun Halloween weekenddddd! *more balloons* *more confetti*