You know what, I low-key love that Aziz Ansari was called out for sexual impropriety. Not because I have a secret vendetta against him, not because I revel in others misery (although sometimes that is the case — when Donald Trump is finally impeached I’m going to throw a fucking rager), but because it’s easy for us to write off skeeves like Harvey Weinstein and Charlie Sheen. It’s easy for us to look at gross old white men and go “Yeah, that guy’s for sure a creep.”
But Aziz was supposed to be Our Guy. You know, our Millennial Champion. Our, moderate to left-leaning, male-feminist, King of the Zeitgeist Guy. And here he is caught in the same shitstorm fucktornado as skeeves like Harvey and Charlie, so now here we are having to conduct renewed conversations about what sexual assault and sexual consent means.
Human interactions are incredibly nuanced, and knowing that, it sometimes surprises me that it took us this long to get here. But then I think of the years, decades, generations, millenia of female oppression and I’m like, “Oh right.” When I interact with a man, there’s an entire ocean of conditioning and subliminal messaging informing my actions. And the conditioning that tells me to submit is the same that tells him to assume control.
Combating these preordained notions of ourselves, the things that unconsciously guide how we regard each other, begins with nuanced investigation. It begins with understanding enthusiastic consent, understanding all the ways that “no” is communicated without saying “no” (P.S. A beleaguered “yes” is definitely a “no”), understanding that sex is only sex when the people involved feel empowered and safe. And being open, with grace, to the fact that in all likelihood you have either suffered or inflicted sexual wounds on someone else. We will heal, but first we have to talk about it. I’m glad that now, we have to talk about it.
P.S. Y'all tomorrow night is Hello Femiio *screams uncontrollably* so I will notttttt be posting a Fashion Friday video since our Fashion Friday will basically be had in person. That is, if you are in the San Diego area and signed up for the event :).
I will be posting to my Insta Story tomorrow though as I set up and try not to completely freak out, so be sure to check that shit out if you're feeling like you miss me. See you here next week!