Dating Apps

Okay you guys let me tell you why dating apps are trash. I know, I know, some people find the loves of their lives on that shit, be it through Tinder or Match.com or Zoosk (LOL honestly wtf is a Zoosk even) but I feel like the majority of us have to struggle through profile after profile, swiping left, right, up, down, all to great fatigue and no avail. And I think I’m finally starting to realize the shit is fundamentally wack.

First of all, half the fun of meeting a new person is body language. Small talk is unequivocally, THE worst thing ever. “So, where are you from?” “What do you do?” “How do you know so and so?” Yuck. I know you usually need it to get to the good stuff but I'd mostly rather just skip to the good stuff, you know? BUT if small talk must be endured, it is only alleviated by body language. Hair flips, extended eye contact, casual touching... that shit’s fun as fuck, and dating apps take allllllllllllll of that away. All you’ve got left is the cold, hard, black-and-white text of the person you're hoping to somehow charm enough into meeting you in person. I mean, we’ve got emojis but you use too many of those and you’re a weirdo.

Speaking of trying to meet in person, who knew getting to dating part of online dating would be so tough? First you gotta be lucky enough to match with someone, then you gotta hope that person wants to start or even just respond to a conversation, then hopefully that conversation doesn't suck and you *want* to meet, and at LAST we hope and pray they get the hint and make plans. SO. MANY. HOOPS. No that shit is crazy, who has the fucking time? It makes way more sense to meet someone in person, hit it off, get a phone number, set something up. None of this other wild ass shit. 

And I know what you're thinking: “Well duh Fem, if I could meet someone in real life and hit it off I would, but I'm just not meeting anyone!" And you know what, I hear ya, I get it. But at least when you're not meeting anyone in person you kind of don't know that you're not? Like duh you can tell you're still fucking single but it's not like every day you see a parade of people you're not connecting with. Guess where you CAN see that parade though? That's right, online dating. Wouldn’t you rather go through life only vaguely aware of the missed opportunities versus seeing it, every day, in your face for 10-20 minutes? Exactly.

And you know what, I’m just gonna say it, dating apps are racist as fuck. Don’t be surprised — you knew what you were getting into with this blog. I mean true, everything is racist, but dating apps really shine with that shit. I don’t know that it’s particularly that white people win the most at dating apps (or maybe they do, imma let y’all double check the stats) but I DO know black women and asian men are FUCKED. Both of these groups get the least matches and are less likely to be contacted. I sat once with a white friend while she created her Hinge profile and in literally three minutes homegirl got two matches and a message. Never have I seen that shit work so quickly. And truth be told, I already know America is racist AF, I don't need to be reminded on the daily by a dating app that my dark skin and features are "less desirable" than my lighter skinned counterparts, fuck that shit.

So here’s what I’m saying: I know people love online dating, I know people have met their people via dating apps, and that’s all beautiful. But if you want to know the real tea, dating apps are trash, and that's all I got to say on the matter.