Holiday Party Inspo: Not Your Babydoll Dress

Alright you guys I'm kind of obsessedddd with this outfit. First of all, I need to tell you Target's got like mad velvet going on right now — there are velvet shirts, velvet dresses, velvet skirts, velvet jumpers, ALL THE VELVET YOU COULD EVER WANT! Go getchu some girl. I spotted this dress (and a crop top I'll show off next week ;)) and HAD to go into debt to have it. I paired it with my other new favorites — sheer socks— and chunky heels from Madewell. Since the dress is so light and the socks/heels combo is so cute, I thought I'd ground everything with a dark burgundy lip and of course, throw in a chunky fake diamond necklace because what are the holidays without some sparkle? Check it out y'all!! 

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Dress: Target | Shoes: Madewell | Necklace: Forever 21 | Socks: Lulu's.com | Cardigan: Mom's Closet (not a place, my actual mother's closet) | Lipstick: Too Faced (Sephora)

Thursday Inspiration

Anybody else sometimes feel like they get overwhelmed for no reason? I mean there's always a reason but maybe you were being overstimulated without knowing it until all of a sudden you sit down, or park the car, or look away from the screen for a second and you're like "whoa I am EXHAUSTED." I had one such moment like that this afternoon and after using Brené Brown's technique to reset and figure out what you really need (it's called DIG-ging deep, I high recommend you look it up and employ it) I landed on a coloring book and classical music. Let me tell you, it has been a LOVELY late afternoon, look at my owl!

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Anyhoo, friendly reminder to all of us to check in, reset, and maybe take a couple hours to color. Namaste y'all.

Change. Gun. Laws.

White men who commit acts of terror are terrorists.

Thoughts and prayers are bullshit and borderline tragically comical at this point.

Civilians don't need AR-15's.

Change. Gun. Laws.

Unicorn Halloween

You already know I had to devote a post to the Halloween costume, BUT I alsooooo wanted to let you guys know that (besides this week obvi) for the month of November I'm gonna be devoting Fashion Fridays to HOLIDAY PARTY OUTFIT IDEAS because it's that time of the year and who doesn't need inspiration on how to rework velvet and sequins? Right, so that'll be coming at you next week. In the meantimeeeee, UNICORN! 

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Photography by the lovely Steph

On Being "High-Maintenance"

A long time ago in a galaxy far away (college), a guy I was into at the time called me this in jest. "You're so high-maintenance, Femi". Though it was meant to be harmless, upon hearing his assessment both my stomach and heart went hurtling towards the floor. I appeared to take it in stride (at least I think I did?) but inside I cowered in shame. High-maintenance? It made me question myself, feel like I needed to shrink, to be less...me. But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure the term "high-maintenance" is some misogynistic bullshit and imma tell you why.

"High-maintenance" feels to me like what a guy says when a girl either enjoys putting effort into her physical appearance, refuses to settle for his baby bullshit, or both. And men have been taught to use this phrase as a sort of litmus test, as though if within the first few dates the “high-maintenance” box gets checked, you gotta throw her back dude. Not only that, RUN FOR THE HILLS because we all know “high-maintenance” is just a dog whistle away from “crazy”. I say Fuck That with every fiber of my being.

First of all, examine what you think being "high-maintenance" is — I can almost guarantee that your definition will unravel in real life. Listen, if we're talking about someone who is emotionally immature and/or unaware of their anxious attachment style (#psychology, look it up) then that's something different, and we should call it what it is. (Also, those traits are not relegated to women. Might I point out that nobody calls a man "high-maintenance" when he makes his partner do most of the emotional labor in the relationship. *see gif below*) 

But if you're saying a woman is high-maintenance because she wears "too much makeup", or won't spontaneously go swimming with you on a date after she spent maybe close to an hour perfecting the artwork that is her face, you're an ass. If she's high-maintenance because she asks you questions about your feelings and seeks to share her own with you, you're an ass. Did she call you frantically one night because you went out with your friends and never came home or let her know you were okay? That's called looking out for someone you care about, and if you think she's high-maintenance because of it, you're an ass.

Second of all check yourself: are you using this as some sort of ill-formed metric by which to measure the women you're dating? Let me tell you right now, that’s ridiculous. It's bullshit like this that developed the "chill girl" persona. You know the one: a girl who never wants to stir the pot, or bother her boyfriend with trivial things like her thoughts or personality because she’s trying to be as “low-maintenance” as possible. Listen, if you want to be in a relationship with an actual human being, it’s going to take a good amount of maintenance. It’s going to take taking the other person’s feelings seriously, making them feel safe to share, and being courageous enough to be vulnerable with your own. If you think some women are "high-maintenance" I'd challenge you to a) unpack what that really means to you b) ask yourself if you’re being an ass, and then c) stop it.

The Price of Anything

There is a quote by Henry David Thoreau that says "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it." Which in my mind, when considered that way, elevates everything we do and experience to a level of sanctity. Even mundane things like showering or going to the grocery store are enhanced because you are spending your valuable life to take care of yourself. Because we are, and because we are alive, whatever it is we choose to spend our lives doing carries weight. I'm aiming to maintain that perspective shift this week and let it leave space for more gratitude and mindfulness; we'll see how it goes. Namaste y'all. 

HALLOWEEN FLASHBACK FASHION FRIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

It felt like the word "extravaganza" needed to be thrown in there, right? The title was already so long, why not keep the party going?

Anyway, HI EVERYONE GUESS WHAT IT’S HALLOWEEN WEEKEND MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! *balloons* *confetti* *air horns* And even though I’m not ready to show you guys my costume justtttt yetttttt, I did want to do something Halloween themed this week so I decided to put together a couple outfits inspired by costumes I’ve done in the past! FUN FUN FUN okay check them out:

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Nearly ten years ago (oh my god) my girls and I decided to drive to Santa Barbara on a whim for the infamous Isla Vista Halloween…. Shitshow. I mean that’s really what it was. And I was — can you guess it? — a Barrrrbie, a costume I 100% see reprising in the future.

 

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This guy was obviously inspired by the incomparable Dionne Davenport (helloooo? From Clueless, duh!) Of course Dee would never be caught dead in flannel (Grunge? #AsIf) but remember these outfits are inspired by these characters, also I couldn’t find my plaid skirt so here we are.

I can't wait to show off my costume to you guys next week!! Keep a lookout on the 'gram also, cause odds are it's gonna end up there before then oops! Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, amirite? Okay well everyone have a safe and fun Halloween weekenddddd! *more balloons* *more confetti*

Happy Halloween Weekend!!!!!!

You know what it is what it do, its Halloween weekend boo! Which means it's time for my yearly reminder:

DO NOT.
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
DON BLACK, BROWN, OR YELLOW FACE.
IT IS INSANELY DISRESPECTFUL AND AN EGREGIOUS OFFENSE.
I cannot stress this enough. 

For example, if you're white and you want to go as Beyoncé for Halloween (which, bold ass move by the way but okay bitch do you) there are myriad ways to do so without affronting her entire race. I have seen them on the interwebs; please, use Google as your guide.

Thank you. This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Monday Inspiration: Shoot Your Shot

Do you guys ever think about how crazy it is that we can talk to celebrities online? Like Twitter and Instagram have made the accessibility factor INSANE in that regard. In trying to build my blog, one of the things I keep feeling challenged to do is to reach out to other bloggers/people I find inspirational. So far I've reached out to some pretty big names and sure, they haven't written back #lol but I mean just the mere fact that I can contact them directly is crazy! And exhilarating. And also one time Sophia Bush liked my comment on her birthday post so maybe it's not all a wash :). In any case, I'm saying shoot your shot y'all. Maybe it's not reaching out to a celebrity on twitter, maybe it's just asking that new woman in your church group on a friend date. Or hollering at a potential employer on LinkedIn. Whatever you gotta do, shoot your shot y'all. You never know when you'll hit that 3 *swoosh*

Fashion *Inhale* Friday *Exhale*

This past week I think I lost my footing a little bit. Dozens and dozens of un-or-negatively-answered job applications, as well as the belittling tapes we all have on standby when we're not doing so hot had me feeling inept, incompetent, obtuse, etc. I feel like I lost my grounding.

So this Fashion Friday I decided to flashback to when I felt the most grounded in recent memory: my trip to San Francisco, particularly to the Cypress Tree Tunnel. I'm looking forward in this weekend and following week to continue to find and do the things that ground me, like journaling, hanging out with my core people, regular exercise, eating well-ish. It's not the tree tunnel but it's practical steps towards coming back to myself.

If you guys have ways in which you like to re-ground after something hard knocks you off course, please share in the comments! Namaste y'all.

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Me Too.

I have mixed feelings about the Me Too campaign. The idea is to have women who have been victims of sexual harassment change their statuses to "me too" so that perhaps then everyone (men) will have an understanding about the magnitude of the problem. And while I applaud these women for stepping forward, we shouldn't need victims to expose their wounds before we believe them or understand that there is a systemic problem.

My issue with Me Too is that it's meant to give everyone a glimpse of the magnitude of the sexual harassment problem, but I'm like if you don't know the magnitude by now, in 2017, you don't want to know. You've remained willfully ignorant to the marches, the all-too-frequent sex scandals involving powerful men and the women they've victimized — hell, listen to literally any woman describe a Saturday night out. That feeling of objectification, that someone is undressing you with their eyes, being inappropriately touched, sex acts being committed without you're consent... it is EVERYWHERE.

I'm going to say me too, but I want to add on OF COURSE me too. This is not new, we been telling y'all for centuries now. Whether or not you've been listening, whether or not you actually want to change it, that's on you. But if you somehow "didn't know" that sexual harassment is a widespread issue, I'd challenge you to check yourself, your privilege, and honestly maybe your basic comprehension skills. *shrugs*